Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
