other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
