Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
now i know why i became what i already was.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
