I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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