Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
