here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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