Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
