put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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