so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
