On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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