I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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