Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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