A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
