I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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