im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
