I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
