...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
