in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
