Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
me + whiskey = a bad person
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
