Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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