I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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