So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
