I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
