why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
