so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
