I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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