I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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