youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
