i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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