bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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