Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
