did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
