Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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