so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
