did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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