you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
