My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
