tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
