me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My penis needs a shock collar
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
