Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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