Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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