do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
