She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
