What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
