remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
