@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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