So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
