That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
