I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
They have beer where we have blood.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
