Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
